unobvious and unending,
A few weeks ago, I was contacted by a woman who happened upon A Fool’s Inclination. She emailed me to inquire if I did long distance healing. The woman was in some sort of accident more than 2 years ago and since then, had been experiencing more or less constant pain.
Her pain: inconspicuously unrelenting.
Last week, I mentioned my own healing session with Nancy Crossthwaite. There was a part I left out. As I was lying there on her table, she tuned into my vibration and asked, “Are you aware of any feelings of shame?”
My response was, “Uh… yeah,” followed by the thought, “…like every day”.
She then says to me, “The problem with shame is that it hides and wants to stay hidden. We have to find it in order to shift it.”
My intermittent feelings of shame: inconspicuously unrelenting.
Have you noticed that people rarely use those words except in the negative? Things are rarely described as conspicuous or relenting.
And yet, within my full time editing stint of late, I’ve noticed that I like using relent (relented, relenting) in its positive form. It feels good to me. It feels right.
With conspicuous, it is harder because I always have to think about it. “Does conspicuous mean obvious or subtle?” Because the negative is so ingrained in my mind, I have to do a double negative to get back to the positive.
Then today, after noticing these words in an obvious way, I starting thinking about it. What does it say about our culture that we use these words primarily only in the negative?
Well, it can’t be good. Too much of what goes on in this Western Society is inconspicuous – hidden, stealth. We are told it is for our protection, for our security, for our national security, but I am skeptical. The need to be inconspicuous, the need to hide, sounds too much like shame. So what are we ashamed of?
Unrelentingness, which I may have just made up as a word, is like male hormones on steroids. Okay, that’s redundant, but you get the point. Our patriarchal society is unrelenting in its pursuit of whatever it desires.
How odd because the Law of Attraction requires allowing, and allowing requires letting go, and letting go is relenting. I think that’s why I like that word so much. Relenting is a spiritual process.
In fact, being conspicuous is too. Being conspicuous is being within one’s integrity. If you have integrity, you have no need to hide, not what you feel, what you desire, or what you intend. So why not just let it shine?
Okay, back to the first story.
Officially (professionally), I do not offer distance healing sessions, but I have done long distance healing for family and friends and have had some success with it. So I wrote the woman back and offered to do experimentation with her.
Even before I wrote the email, I tuned in and channeled a message for her. I felt she needed my ‘words’ more than she needed my ‘energy’, but I was open and willing. Turns out she was also.
A day later, we met on the phone. I started by playing with the energy and talked a bit here and there. She mentioned that she had heard of Matrix Energetics and was curious about it. So I decided to give the Matrix Energetic a go. It had only been a few weeks since I had last performed a little with some friends and with surprising results (to them).
However, the thing is, with Matrix Energetics, the body tells you when it’s done. It physically and demonstrably reacts once the shift has completed. As I’m holding the energy, I asked my guides, “How am I going to know when we’re done?”
If you saw me, it was amusing. Here I was headset on, eyes staring through the wall in front of me, and a finger from each hand pressed against my bookshelf (my proxy).
Well, within a minute, I felt a wash of energy flow over me. In fact, it was more like a tsunami. My whole body shivered from the onslaught. “I guess that answer’s that question,” I thought to myself.
Her pain did not end that day or the next. In fact, it was another week before progress was made. In the reading I did for her after the energy work, I kept getting that she needed to use her voice to complete the healing.
Well, the next week, in furthering her unrelenting pursuit of healing, she found herself voicing her intention within another modality, and 24 hours after that, she indeed experienced significant relief. Yay for her!
And now getting back to my session…
So I’m lying there as Nancy works on me, and begin to remember what spirit had said to me years earlier about my shame. It is almost embarrassing to share, but as I’m letting go of shame, I’m going to ‘have no shame’ and include the whole discourse:
We know that you seek only to be full within and by yourself. We know that you only wish to feed the ego so that you are able to be the best person that you can be, the most loving, both of self and of others.
We know what is in your heart and we know what blocks it. It is not appropriate for us to just remove all that is blocked even as you ask for that because you have arranged for those blocks for specific reasons.
You wish to allow your human mind to understand the blocks as they reveal themselves to you and as they are removed. You wish to understand how they get created, how individuals create them for themselves. You also wish to understand how the various and myriad modalities remove them. So you allow yourself to be worked on by the others and witness their removal. You gain knowledge from these even when you are not seeing specifically. You will be able to revisit any of this in your Akashic records in the future.
Do you see why you were drawn to this work [The Akashic Records]? Your experience allows it to be written and then what is gained is with you always. Could you think of a more perfect way to do your work? Isn’t this the most exciting?
YOU created this process yourself. You are one of the masters that created this whole way of being. Experience; allow it to be written and recorded; carry that knowledge around forever more. Now do you understand why we know you so well? You are a master, even beyond others that you study. But do not let this go to your head! HA! Let this go to your heart.
Let this ring through your mind even as you berate yourself, as you put yourself down, as you see nothing but the darkness you allowed to be placed on you.
Just as the physical body is a sheath that you wear on your light body, so are these dark thoughts and habits. You in your great desire to serve allowed the lowest of human vibrations to be placed on top of your light.
Shame is the worst of them. Even hate is not as dangerous or dark as shame. Hate is mostly directed outward where God can absorb and transmute it, but shame is directed inward. If/when an individual descends into shame, there is so little that can be done because they attack the very light within themselves. It is not that they can harm that light, but it is the most painful of experiences.
So, recognize that this shame was chosen and for this reason. When you fully understand and heal this shame, you will become the most beneficial of human. So many on this planet have been carrying shame for generations, including your family. They carry it, give it to one another, and have allowed it to grow from one generation to another. This cycle must heal and you are here to learn and teach the most powerful ways (to date) on how to do that.
The tools, they are merely tools. You will accumulate a number of them individually, but they are not your work specifically. You will not wear a hat of a given name. You WILL serve and you will serve in this capacity. You, the human part of you, is only merely climbing out of the water onto the island of this desire. You feel that desire within yourself growing, but you still have not tapped into the desire your highest self has in this regard.
Inconspicuously unrelenting – pain and shame.
Seems to me that the only thing that need be inconspicuously unrelenting is the love of God (the Universe, All That Is, the Goddess). It is inconspicuous by nature because we can’t see it. We can see evidence of it, but we can’t see it itself. And it is unrelenting because there is never an end to it. We can resist it, deny it, hold it apart from ourselves, but that doesn’t mean it is ever lacking.
So in my continuing pursuit of conspicuous relenting, I am opening up to inconspicuous unrelenting love from the Universe.
So, what do you think? Wanna join me?