Restlessness

So on 7/22, I wrote Content as a Lion. But lately, I’ve been feeling more like this cat:

Or maybe even this one:

For a good couple of weeks now, I have been restless and frustrated, energetic, but pacing back and forth looking for an outlet. Now maybe this is all about me because I do have Jupiter transiting my Mars in Gemini, and energetic restlessness would certainly fit the bill, but just in case there are others out there feeling similar, I thought I would share.

Now, one of the great things about being 44 and not 24 in this condition, is – one – I have a lot less energy to burn, and – two – I have a lot more allowing. When I was in my early 30s, I acted out in this state. I was irritable. I would get angry at people and pets. I would have a tantrum at work or get into an argument. But now, while still acting out, nobody notices. I’m not taking it out on anyone. I’m not blaming others. I’m just radiating the excess heat and sitting in front of the fan a bit more.

But I am putting a bunch of this energy to use.

Back in mid-March, I wrote the post Fat to Fit, which was really just a link to my video by the same name. Back then, a group of us initiated a diet to lose some weight. Being that I’m not much of an exhibitionist, I never did publicly share any of the results. But it has been long enough that I thought I would share a bit – as it is pertinent to what’s happening now.

For about three months, my friends and I stuck to the diet pretty well. We, unfortunately, didn’t weigh in at the start, so no one has a definite xx pounds lost to report, but the results were noticeable.

In some ways, I felt like the one who lost the least. But that could be because I had already lost a little bit of weight earlier in the year before the diet. Yet, I nonetheless noticed myself using a different hole on my belt and fitting into clothes comfortably that I couldn’t wear the year before. I had moved the button on one pair of shorts a while back and just recently had to move it back!

And on the scale, I entered the 150s, which I hadn’t seen in all of my 40s if I remember correctly. So, I guess I did lose some weight – good!

But then, only recently, did I venture back to the gym. I had kept away for a while because of shoulder pain. I couldn’t do much lifting with it anyway, so I thought a good long rest would be beneficial. But then I got so used to not going, I couldn’t overcome the inertia.

Well, you know, energetic restlessness is just the state that can get you over inertia. Throwing my hands up one day, I went to the gym and even if the first 2 weeks were hardly strenuous workouts, I got back into the rhythm.

Now, I have to say that it’s harder to take a day off. For the first time in a long time, I actually LOVE working out again. I’m pushing myself harder and harder each week and noticing changes in my body more quickly than I expected.

And the most important thing of all is that I feel good inside of my skin. I’m still restless in life, but at least I have an outlet and for that small part of the day, I feel free.

Now just this week, I envisioned a different image to match how I’m feeling. There are those cats up above, but then there’s this:

I’m sure this chick feels just as confined and imprisoned as the cats, but what a different picture it paints, eh?

The Olympics have a way of inspiring many to push themselves just a little bit harder. That’s because we all get to see individuals actually experience some of their greatest desires. If one person can live his or her dream, then why can’t the rest of us? It’s not like we only have one dream, right? Standing on a podium with a medal around my neck may have to wait for another lifetime, but there’s other places I can stand and feel that the same way.

So for now, I’m going to change the way I see my situation and start seeing these bars more like the inside of an eggshell. I am going to continue to build up my strength and someday will bust right through it…

And, by the way, I am officially setup now to accept credit cards for all in-person services.

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