The (Zodiac) month of idealized love is over, and now we are within an expression of love that is very much human.
In Alignment and Synchronization, I wrote how Aquarius—the water bearer—is the ruler of the 11th house—the house of ideals and aspirations. By this association, it is perfectly appropriate for Valentine’s Day, the celebration of idealized (romantic) love, to fall in the middle of Aquarius.
Aquarius is over and we are now within the sign of Pisces, a sign of brotherly love, a sign of compassion, a sign of empathy, and a sign that, in my opinion, has a great ability to feel pain because it has a great ability to feel.
The point is this: one capable of feeling strong love is, by those same means, capable of feeling strong pain. And this is why we write so many songs about how “love hurts”.
But what is the lesson? Where have we gone wrong? We are here to be expressions of love, and yet so many of us (all of us?) are wounded—or have been.
Most of you know that I call myself an Intuitive Guide. As such, I am an intuitive Astrologer. That means I teach what I am learning. Like Moses, I am walking along side the people I guide, helping all of us find our way out of the desert.
Given my birth time, the boundary of Aquarius and Pisces lies in the middle of my relationship house. The butting up (and thus contrast) between idealized Aquarian romantic love and the oft-painful empathic Piscean love is a big part of what I am here to learn. And these days, this part of the sky is being pummeled.
Let’s consider current transits:
- The sun is at 5 degrees Pisces and in a separating conjunction with Neptune.
- In one week, the sun will conjunct Chiron.
- The sun is also separating from a trine with Mars, which is nearing the end of Libra and days away from stationing retrograde.
- Mercury is retrograde in Aquarius for another few days.
Chiron can be thought of as our Achilles Heal (ha ha—pun intended). It is simultaneously a vulnerable spot and a wound we are here (in this lifetime) to work on…and hopefully heal.
My interpretation of some of this current Astrology is this:
- We are experiencing (sun) Piscean love, while our mind (Mercury) is still reaching back toward idealized romantic thoughts and beliefs about love.
- We are between a rock (the illusions of Neptune) and a hard place (our Chiron wounds).
- And our actions and passions (Mars) are active in our relationships (Libra), but are about to take a 180 (station retrograde) forcing us to go back over what we’ve been doing so we can learn to do better.
For me personally, the sun and Neptune are transiting my relationship house. Mercury is there too and is reaching back toward my descendent, but will not cross it before turning forward. I am experiencing first hand (through my persona transits) what the current Astrology is telling all of us.
So what is it saying? The phrase I got, is this:
Bleeding hearts bleed and grow weak, but pumping hearts beat on and on.
The Aorta is the largest artery in the human body. All of the oxygenated blood, which feeds every cell of your body, passes through it. Because the aorta is so conspicuous, it is easy to believe that it is the most important. It exemplifies the heart’s service to the rest of the body. Through it life-supporting blood is delivered to every cell.
However, we cannot and must not forget the importance of the coronary arteries, for without these, the heart starves. The coronary arteries are the symbols of self-love!
A bleeding heart is a martyr and a martyr is someone who gives their life in service to others. Jesus is often viewed and the ultimate martyr. But the problem with martyrdom is that it ends the service. If you give away your life to help someone, then that is the last person you will help.
In our idealized view of marriage, we say: “‘til death do us part.” Is this not the same as martyrdom? Is this not a vow committing ourselves to death and pain if need be? There is no clause that says: “I am committed to you as long as you don’t hurt me.” And how many people have died by the hands of their spouses?
Idealized romantic love has its other side. It has to! What I mean is this: until we learn about, experience, and express true love, we will entangle ourselves within these idealized and painful experiences.
- We want love (and thus our spouse) to be our savior, but this is not what love is.
- We want love (and thus our spouse) to be our fountain…our source of all nourishment, but that is not what love is.
- We want love (and thus our spouse) to be our protector, but that is not what love is.
- And some of us try very hard to be all of the above: savior, source, and protector.
God/Goddess/All-That-Is loves us, but does not keep us from pain. He/She/It does not save us from death. And He/She/It will, at times, allow us to experience great lack…if that is what we most need to evolve into a better view (and thus experience) of life.
Pisces follows Aquarius. Our experience follows our thoughts.
As I read what I wrote above, I now see that true love is our savior, is our fountain, and is our protector! God can keep up from pain, but we have to connect to our own piece of God to do this. And death and lack are only illusions.
So the issue is not the idea and ideal of romantic love, but our interpretations of what that means!
All healers, spouses, lovers, and parents must learn that self-sacrifice does not work best. If you kill yourself trying to heal someone, then you die. If you hurt yourself trying to love someone, then you will be in pain.
I had a dream a couple of weeks ago where I curled my body around my cat to protect her from a lion. I quickly realized in the dream that this would cause great harm to my body. I had to trust that she could out run the lion. I thus set her free and told her to run and sought protection for myself.
It is only now that I fully understand what this dream was telling me—foretelling me, as it preceded the experiences.
We have to learn self-love in order to learn love. We have to have self-love in order to experience joy and bliss in relationships. We have to value ourselves in order to effectively value others.
The lower left quadrant of the Zodiac holds our lessons in self-love. The right edge of the chart is where we get to put those lessons into action.
Mars is the ruler of the first house. Mars understands self-expression. He is quick to go to battle for a cause. But Mars retrograde in Libra is going to teach us what it really means to be in partnerships and relationships. Let me rephrase that:
Mars retrograde in Libra is going to teach us what it really means to do in partnerships and relationships.
The idealized piece is the being in love. We’ve all been there (or nearly all of us). You don’t have to be in a relationship to be in love. Many of us have been in love all by ourselves, while the object of our affection unknowingly passes us by.
But being in love is only the beginning. Doing a relationship is the rest of the journey. We cannot be in a long-term relationship until it’s been a long time!
The idea of “commitment” is one that must be tested to be demonstrated. But love?!? Love need not be tested. Love need not be “long-term”. It is possible to express love in the moment…right here and right now. It is possible to fully love oneself and fully love another…without conflict or compromise. Loving is not self-sacrificing. Love does not hurt. If there’s pain, than there’s something else there.
Learning to love others—7th house—butts up against learning to be of service to others—6th house. The cusp between the two—the Descendant—is a poignant place in the chart. The lessons here are conspicuous; the pain…obvious.
Things that happen on the right side of our chart are easy to see because they happen right before our eyes. Often, the true lesson is something on the left, something inside. That’s the reflection of relationship. When we relate, we are experiencing again; we are experiencing a second time. We are experiencing with another person what we have been experiencing with ourselves.
- If we love ourselves (first)…we get to experience loving others (next).
- However, if we are not loving ourselves well…we will experience those same issues a second time in our relationships.
- If we can’t receive love from ourselves, we can’t receive love from others either.
That is the purpose of relationship and relating.
Some day, we might stop calling them relationships. We might let that word, and that way of being, evolve away. We’ll still have partnerships, but needn’t have relationships. We’ll love, but needn’t commit.
Our own language gives us clues. Love has one connotative meaning. No matter how one loves, the idea of loving always feels good. But one who is committed? That word has two very different connotations.
Rather than making a vow, I suggest using intent:
If you intend to love as best you can, then you will always succeed.
Your expression may ebb and flow, but it will be your best in the moment. And “best in the moment” does not mean it can’t get better, stronger, or bigger down the line.
Commitments are hard to keep. They take effort; they take compromise; and they are often self-sacrificing. When we fail to keep a commitment, we feel bad about ourselves. That is what reveals the problem! And that is what then creates more problems.
Intend to do the best you can. Accept whatever you have done as your best. Don’t judge yourself if it seems like it wasn’t enough…simply intend to do your best again.
And know your boundaries. Feed your heart first and always, so it can continue to beat. You must take some of that luscious red blood for yourself. You can feed yourself and feed others simultaneously, but if you feed others and not yourself, you will not be able to do this for very long. You will hurt; you will ail, and you will die…eventually.
For the time being, we are human. We are not meant to be or do it all. We cannot be everything to anyone. And we cannot be an island either. We are individuals born into a collective. We, for now, must rely on others. We cannot feed ourselves without the sun.
Intend to be a vibrant beating heart. Intend to love as big as you want. And remember that even the heart, a muscle that constantly works, still needs rest. It doesn’t stop beating when it rests, but it does slow down.
Life is not a race; it is okay to slow it down.