A Marriage vs A Sacred Marriage

Those who oppose the idea of gay marriage state the claim that marriage is (and only is) a union between “a man and a woman”. They then claim that marriage is sacred and must be preserved.

I hate to tell you this if you don’t already know, but a Sacred Marriage has never been something that exists solely between a man and a woman. Allow me to explain.

If you look back to the 1950s, marriage was said to join “man and wife.” One could draw it this way:


We know now that this view of marriage is sexist. Man is man regardless, but woman becomes wife…and is thus defined by the marriage? We can do better…and have.

So next came this view—which is mostly what we have to this day:


or if you prefer


I assert that this view is still sexist—not specifically against women, but against both genders.

This third view takes a step towards what I call Sacred Marriage:

The male within me<——>the female within you

The female within me<——>the male within you

Now we’re getting somewhere. This view is no longer sexist because it recognizes that both men and women have a male and female side to them. What makes us beautiful and unique is how we express those sides. And this changes over time. In this view, no person is limited by external predisposition. Just because I’m a man doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to be sensitive, emotional, affectionate, and nurturing. And just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you’re supposed to hide your strength, ambition, drive, and sexuality.

As good as this view is getting, there are still pieces missing. A true Sacred Marriage is not just the matching of opposites, but the meeting of sames as well. In a true Sacred Marriage, the male within me and the male within you are connected…same with the female parts of us. There are not just 2 relationships, but 4.

The male within me<——>the female within you

The male within me<——>the male within you

The female within me<——>the female within you

The female within me<——>the male within you

Believe it or not, Astrology has helped me understand this better. But my life has been a bit of a case study.

As a Gemini, I have been very aware of my duality. There have always been two inside of me competing for attention. I not only have Sun in Gemini, but I also have Mercury and Mars there, so this shows up in many aspects of my being.

And then, of course, there’s the fact that I am a gay male. When you are inclined toward same gendered relationships, you quickly learn about your male and female sides and those of your partner. That is because the gender pressure within the relationship has already been broken down. We are cast out of the norm of one-man-and-one-woman from the start and thus all of the “roles” that are supposed to be determined from there get thrown right out of the window.

Where Astrology has helped me is in studying Synastry (relationship) charts. No matter what the gender of each person is, both have a Mars and a Venus, a sun and a moon, a Saturn and a Neptune. The way these planets interact with each other, their opposites, and anything else gives insight as to how two people connect and relate. My Sacred Marriage view above assumes we only have a male side and a female side and thus four connections between us. But in Astrology, the number of connections ramps up from there.

Now, do you wanna know a secret? This year, this very year, is the year when we’re supposed to really get this stuff. It is not an accident that gay marriage is such a hot topic. It’s not just about opening up marriage to include same-gendered partners, but to open up marriage to be between all parts of ourselves simultaneously!

You wanna see the proof? OK – here goes.

1) Today’s date.

This Valentine’s day is 02.14.2014. This is the only time in practically forever that this will happen. The year and the day are the same numbers: 02.14. And 0+2+1+4 is 7. So another way to look at the date is 7.7 which adds up to 14. And the relationship between 7 and 14 is 2. Hmmm.

In words, we can describe these number as such:

  • A relationship is between two individuals, two ones, (2, 1)
  • The result of a relationship between two individuals is four connections (2, 1, 4)
  • When viewed this way, the relationship is sacred (7)

2) Today’s full moon.

Here’s another slant on the same. Today is the full moon. At 5:53 pm CST, the sun and moon will exactly oppose each other at 26o Aquarius/Leo. OK, so what? Well, let’s look at this in the finest detail. Here’s the exact Zodiac coordinates:

  • Sun: 26 Aquarius 12’40”
  • Moon: 26 Leo 12’40”

Notice the minutes and seconds, 12.40, are the same numbers of the day and year 0, 1, 2, & 4.

3) Today’s chart

v_day_full_moonNow look at the chart for the exact moment of the full moon (using Austin as the location). It may take a moment, but what you will notice is two identical structures that overlap. When you look closer, you will notice that they are NOT mirror images of each other. And, you will notice that each structure has two parts to it: a red (male?) and a blue (female?).

The first structure is anchored off of the sun and the moon—namely the opposition between them. Saturn then forms a T-Square with the sun/moon opposition. This is the red right triangle pointing down. Notice that the moon and sun lie on the 1st house/7th house axis. Also notice that they are…if anything…in the opposite place. In sun-sign Astrology, the sun is always placed in the first house (house of self identity). And we often think of (and want our) emotional expression to be in our relationships (seventh house).

Truth be told, the moon’s place would be in the 4th house, where Saturn is. But that’s another discussion.

Next, notice that Mars forms a wedge with the sun and moon. It is Trine the sun, and Sextile the moon. This means that today, Mars is in harmony with both the sun and moon and thus mediates the opposition. And Mars is in Libra, the sign of relationship, equality, and justice!

Rotating our gaze, we find the exact same arrangement again:

  • Pluto opposite Jupiter
  • Uranus forms a T-Square to the other two
  • Chiron forms a wedge to the opposition.

Here’s some more things that are intriguing. The two mediators are Mars and Chiron. If you look at the symbols, notice that:

  • Mars has an arrow pointing away from it (and is itself the symbol for male)
  • Chiron has an arrow(head) pointing into itself and thus represents the receptive side of a connection.

Rather than thinking about male and female or even give and receive, I prefer to think in terms of express and experience. In relationships of all kinds, we simultaneously get to express our love and experience love from all sources.

The complex view of a Sacred Marriage is to consider all of the connections from each part of us to each part of our partner. Some connections are wide open and flowing, some are less developed and resisting. They are all there however.

The simple view of a Sacred Marriage is this: every one of us expresses love in a unique way, and has the potential to experience love from everywhere. By this view, we are not simply in a Sacred Marriage with another person, but in a Sacred Marriage with the entire Universe!

On this day celebrating romance, I have the following recommendations.

If you are in a relationship already, I recommend that you:

  • Give yourself permission to express your love even more,
  • And simultaneously seek to witness more experiences of love as they flow in.

If you are not in a relationship yet, I recommend that you:

  • Give yourself permission to express your love even more,
  • And simultaneously seek to witness more experiences of love as they flow in.

🙂 Happy 02.14.2014!


2 thoughts on “A Marriage vs A Sacred Marriage”

  1. I love your holistic approach, David. As usual, I have learned something from you. Thank you for continuing to share your wisdom with us.


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