Envy is uncomfortable. It is bad enough envying a complete stranger, who appears to have the very thing you desire; it is much worse when you find yourself envious of a loved one, who just experienced a win-fall. You’re happy for them. You want for them everything they desire. You even helped them get there perhaps. But when they arrive ahead of you; when they go further or farther; when they succeeded where you failed; it tears you right down the middle.
Sometimes, I am not sure what’s worse, the envy itself or the self-deprecating shame that follows. I mean, “Me, envious? I thought I was better than that!”
If you’re religious, then there’s a third and even worse reason to feel bad. Envy, after all, is one of the seven deadly sins! (Ominous music plays in the background causing the hairs on your arm to stand on end.)
You feel bad; then you feel bad for feeling bad; and last, you are damned to an eternity in Hell!
So what do you do about envy?
- First: FORGET everything you’ve ever been told about envy.
- Second: Embrace it. CELEBRATE it! Appreciate it!
- Before you protest, keep reading.
Last May, I wrote a post called Divine Timing. Toward the end, I redefined a word for you. My definition has further evolved to this:
Regret is Clarity that came after the fact.
When Clarity is paired with Divine Timing (which are both the result of alignment), the resulting experience can be Confidence!
Clarity that comes “late” is often felt as Regret. But late is an illusion. It is a trap. There is only now and then now and then now. So Clarity at ANY time is a good thing! When you feel regret, allow it to catch your attention, which is its purpose, and then focus that attention onto the new-found clarity that you just achieved. Ask yourself: “What do I want from here?” Forget going back. Forget trying to redo. Just project forward the realization of this newfound desire to experience the opposite of that past event.
Envy is another indicator of Clarity. When envy strikes, you are experiencing heightened clarity about a desire. You don’t believe it is possible yet, which is why it hurts, but you are clearly desiring something you do not have. The stronger the envy, the stronger the desire, but also the stronger the clarity.
In the past, I used envy in just this way. In 1998, I considered moving to San Diego from San Francisco, but I wasn’t sure. I even took an extended trip that summer to feel it out, but I didn’t gain a clear answer for myself through it. Toward the end of the year, a friend of mine moved to San Diego. I was struck with a strong wave of envy.
I quickly realized that I, too, wanted to live in San Diego. Otherwise, why would I be envious?
The whole purpose of envy is to give you information. Better stated, it is to draw your attention to information you have been asking for. All emotions are here for that reason. Envy tells you this thing or situation right in front of you is, in fact, what you desire. It also tells you that you are imagining and therefor experiencing a reality where you can’t have it.
Envy is not a deadly sin. It is not a sin at all. In fact, it is not even an action. No one chooses to feel envy. One simply feels envy when the Universe parades something desired right in front of you.
Not only is envy an indicator of clarity, the experiencing of envy is a sign of PROGRESS!
Yep. You heard me. Envy is a sign of progress!
You create your own reality. You therefore created the rendezvous, which inspired your envy.
It might be easier for you to say that the Universe orchestrated the rendezvous, but you still had your hand in the creation by showing up for it. Your desire and your focus drew you (led you) to that experience…and you followed that inclination.
Say, for example, you desire a new vehicle. Say your desire is so well formed, you specifically know the make, the model, the trim package, and even the color you want. Now say a friend or colleague shows up with that exact car. In his excitement, he shows it off to you. And now you feel envious…ugh.
But wait! Do not forget that you are a master manifestor. In that moment that you feel envy, your manifestation actually progressed to the next level. It went from being an idea in your mind to an experience—namely you witnessing it close up. The envy you feel just means you haven’t yet incorporated this new level.
That’s how manifestation often works. You think. You want. You desire. You fantasize. You dream. And then the reality gets closer and closer. When your doubts are low, it can pop directly into first person experience. When your doubts are stronger, it might move through second or third person experiences first. It is still popping. It is still approaching. It is still manifesting. It just hasn’t yet arrived into your first person possession yet.
See envy for what it is. It is clarity. It shows you or reminds you that you desire what you desire. It might even be showing you how MUCH you desire what you desire. But also recognize that something popped. You got to experience what you desire close up (or closer up than before).
Shift your focus from the feeling of envy to the clarity it indicates. Envy is the onset. Clarity is the take-away. So take the clarity and run with it!
Celebrate the envy for reminding you of your desire and punching you in the gut with clarity. In most cases I can think if, envy showed up when either:
- I wasn’t sure what I really wanted or
- I thought I was happy without the experience I had long desired.
In either case, envy was the indicator of new-found clarity—it was the answer to my question or the correction to my error.
But you know what? Looking back, I can honestly say that strong envy often showed up not very long before I received what I wanted! When I felt strong envy about my friend moving to San Diego, for example, I acknowledged the clarity and ran with it. I ended up moving to San Diego only 3 short months later! The clarity my envy indicated was exactly what I needed to get over the hump and to pull the trigger!
And then I did.